I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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