My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
