Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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