Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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