I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
