69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize