FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
sarcasm needs its own font
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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