She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
