so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
