So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
a search helicopter?!
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize