Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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