whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
No I am not eating basil off your cock
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I need moral support for this bender
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
