I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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