the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
