Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
