I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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