please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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