Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I did not marry a roomba.
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