Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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