so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Randomize
