Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
