Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize