my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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