Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
That accounts for only three of the penises
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
