Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
