Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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