Someone shit on the floor
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
