I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
