Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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