would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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