its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
