last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize