he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
