you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
