so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
