I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
