I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
