there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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