My friends, they love my intelligence
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
