This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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