Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
