Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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