WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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