Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I was not drunk enough for that final.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
