The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize