holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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