your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
