i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize