Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
