I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
