Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
