Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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