So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
