Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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