Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
