i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
