How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
