i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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