My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
