smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
