There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
