And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
