dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
