dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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