respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
