Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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