Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize