You can't special order awesome
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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