I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
It's official drugs can't kill me
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
