So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
