Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
