Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
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