My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
