Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
