I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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