Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
