I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
