i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
