Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
