just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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