I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize