he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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