I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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