The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
