im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
