Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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