Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Randomize
