i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
