Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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