life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
there is glitter all over my balls
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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