I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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