eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
