god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
