I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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