If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
