then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
