The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
