so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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