I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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