we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
